Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
