I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
