I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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