So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
