I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
