You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
