arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
