I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
