apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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