So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
