everyone is single if you try hard enough
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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