Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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