she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
