Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
