Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
