i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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