I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
