I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
