New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
