Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
