Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
