god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize