He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
