It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pants are for mortals
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
