were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
