I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
