You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
