Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
