babies were throwing up all over the place
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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