remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
