Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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