i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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