I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
