By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
