i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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