Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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