Pappa wants mamma naked
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
