On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
