Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
