You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
