i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
