unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
