Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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