it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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