i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
