I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
