I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
