Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
