he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
