Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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