Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
