Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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