There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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