Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
