are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
