We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
