can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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