I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
