U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
