Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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