some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
