I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
