I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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