Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
