Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we're making bets on your personal life
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
