HIV tests are more positive than that guy
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Still dying that you shit outside
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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