Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
