Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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