She's JV to your varsity
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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