The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
