im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
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The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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