Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
