you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
