i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish life had little blips of pornography
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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