I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
