Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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