your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
