never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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