Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
