Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You are the jesus of drinking
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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