She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
