it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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