2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
