Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
