i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
