he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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