i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
