The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
